Christmas Gifts

It’s in….I just received a call from PHX VA and I now have an appointment schedule for mental health. Their first question was, “have you ever been seen by a mental health professional?” I had to pause and think back, no, I have never been seen by a mental health professional. Even after I came back from Iraq, they gave us a form to fill out that had questions on it. Because of my answers I was cleared and told that I was okay, but was I really okay.

Studies have shown that many affected with PTSD don’t show signs up to 3 or 5 years later. Many soldiers handle things that happen to them differently. Many are affected immediately and many think they can just handle it and move forward. That was me, death to me is a normal part of life. My mind took the death of fellow soldiers as a normal part of combat. What I have learned since then is that it is normal, but should be categorized as such. There are so many emotions that come with a death of a soldier, sadness, loss, anger, disconnect, numbness to name a few. If you don’t feel these after a death of a fellow soldier you should be asking yourself why and then seek help. That’s what I am doing now.

When I came back from Iraq one of the new things that came back with me was anxiety. When I get hot, start sweating or feel like I can’t escape the situation, my anxiety increases and gets bad. It is an affect of being cramped in a Hot Truck for hours upon hours knowing that you can’t exit the truck. I also brought back anger. For what reason I have no idea, but over the past few years my anger has been uncontrollable. The worst part is its towards my family and I have no reason for it.

I hope that this next step is a step in the right direction, gets me right with myself and is the next steps to my medical. I still won’t stop posting and fighting for my fellow Veterans, you are all not in this alone. This is why I am fighting, because I am in this alone. No Veteran should ever feel alone, especially after being in the military.

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