The title to this blog tells it all. Motivation has been lost in so many aspects of my life that I am finding it hard most days to find the reason to push for the next. Now don’t think I am thinking of doing something stupid. God will always call those shots. I live by his time, not mine. I think the outcome of the future of things is starting to settle in and the realization that I have been neglected for so long by the Army and the VA that I now have less options. Wednesday I will meet with doctors to discuss surgery of my back. This scares the crap out of me. Many reasons, but one is the idea of not walking again. Yes the surgery that I will have is basic and doctors have conducted them many times over. But the fact still remains, what is wrong with me is still unknown and we don’t know the outcome of any surgery. For me I know that it is necessary to take the pressure off my spine, un-pinch some nerves and hopefully regain feeling back in my legs. These are hypothetical and I hope they work. It would be nice to be able to run and walk and to not be in pain 24 hours a day. I can remember the last time I didn’t feel this amount of pain in my back and legs. I hope it turns out good. But the way that the VA works I am sure I will have a fight on my hands and they will most likely tell me on Wednesday that they want me to wait….you know…to see how it progresses.
In two weeks I have two of the first real claims appointments for my wrist, legs, and right knee, but they are also going to conduct a complete physical and general claims. This is going to be through QTC a third party company which amazed me because the last one I had was through the VA, so I know this one has to be better. These claims will most likely be the most important in my life because it may not only increase my disability, but it will bring to light many of the issues that I had before I left the Army that were documented in my C-file that the VA Hospital doesn’t have access too.
I can only imagine what so many other Veterans are going through to get to the point that I am now. I am in no way far from the end and if your a Veteran and think this is the beginning of the end, your mistaken, this is a life long battle that I will fight until the good Lord takes me. I won’t stop fighting for Veterans or Veterans rights and I will push forward with the rights to defend our rights as Veterans. We as Veterans have the biggest voices in the US. Because we have been on the true front lines and understand more now than ever what the price of freedom looks like and surely, what we are experiencing with the VA is not even close enough to the freedom that I thought I was fighting for so many years ago and I am sure many Veterans feel the same way.
See….motivation in something your are passionate about it is the best. I have never been more on fire for something than I have been with Veterans. Well I remember being on fire for the Army when I first joined. I remember telling myself on that first day that this is the beginning of something better for my life. I wasn’t wrong then and I’m not wrong now. Working for Veterans and working with Concerned Veterans for America is nothing I will ever look back on and say, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.
I in many ways wish there was more I could do…but with limited resources and the having a full time job holds me back on most days. I can’t wait until the day I can fulling dedicate myself to helping Veterans maneuver the VA, get what is deserved and help them live a service filled life as a Veteran. Those are really my 3 major goals when it come to working with Veterans and I am grateful that CVA has let me help them do this.
Always find motivation in everything you do. Once that motivation is gone, then there is something else for you somewhere else. I love computers and I am an expert at networking and keeping things going, but it was something just pays the bills. The passion isn’t there like it was when I started learning everything I could to support my family. Now its time to take what I learned and give it back to my fellow Veterans.
Get passionate and stay motivated!!!!